really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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