I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
