YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
