i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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