Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
