I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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