Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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