Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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