Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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