just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.