I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.