i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect