all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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