mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
