a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
