his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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