Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess