when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night