oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".