The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
