i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
