There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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