tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
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What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
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My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"