I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on