Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO