I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.