take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
