singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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