Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
