Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
