I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
