Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
