dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
