remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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