Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i out mim tonsoeep
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