The maid of honor just puked.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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