giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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