Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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