She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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