what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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