She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.