I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
