Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
