btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I accidentally burped into my bong.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You have to summon your inner elephant
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
