she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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