at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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