I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
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she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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