I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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