beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
