Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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