somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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