I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
