you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
