thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
