dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She bit a glass in half.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
