there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
