I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
